10 hour workdays at the Institute. I wish I could say Semana Santa is a blessing, but it feels like a curse. The country shuts down for four days and I should totally take it as a break but, well, you know me. No breaks until the work is done.
The boys leave today.
Spent the last night eating comida china at La Pension and drinking tea.
I wake up smelling like smokefire.
Patient eyes and soft voices.
oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
One night last week at Moon Shiva, a friend told me I was unaware of my abilities. Maybe I'm just not willing to accept them.
So September, on the back porch in Pigtown he said "You need to accept and appreciate how incredible of a person you are..."
His actions spoke louder then than his words.
So I acted, too.
It was the Get Out of Jail Free card. Because as the sheets twisted, I was across town curling an old flame around my finger, no matter how badly I would be burned come November.
We prefer to remember the destruction over the construction.
I know my power when I walk into a room with that big smile and those bright eyes. How many free drinks can I turn down in a night? I am fully aware of my abilities, I know the hurt I can cause, and I cry harder on those days when I hold the knife than on any day when I'm the only one wounded.
But the temptation to play the game...
I just have restraint and willpower.
And I am still just as hopeless as the rest of the romantics.
That's why I stayed home for so long.
Take a drink.
It feels good to be called beautiful. And smart. And intelligent. And powerful.
Take a drink.
So I enter the game I say I don't play.
I can do it anywhere with anyone at anytime don't you forget
this is my life and it's going to be good, don't you know
not a promise or a threat or an ultimatum, though I can do that too
I'm just telling you, I've got this life I've got to live
I'm just following through...
If I say I play, then I start playing by the rules.
Maybe then I won't let you down.
Maybe then I won't lose so sorely.
1 comment:
And it's all from watching t.v.
And from speeding up my breathing
Wouldn't stop if I could
Oh, it hurts to be this good
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