20 (or mid term.)

Well, I made it through midterms.

Tomorrow I leave at 6am for San Vicente, Nicoya, and Palo Verde to tromp around in some dry forest. And then Nicaragua. And then Playa Junquillal.

But right now I'm sick so I think I'll stop by Supercompro and buy some bulbs of garlic and maybe hunt down some ginger and echinacea.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have such fond memories of people and places splattered all across the landscape of the United States. Maybe it would make me miss you less.




But Costa Rica is still pretty cool, I guess.

19 (or who would understand a turtle?)

Genna and Jesse give me HILLARY SANDWICHESSS which means they climb on top of me and then at the count of three roll onto their sides and hug me on the grass in front of the institute and it makes me smile SO BIG and get my head out of stupid worrisome places.

And then today my research group for field methods put me on time out because I was stressing so hard. So that meant I had to sit in the sun with my iPod while they finished writing our proposal.

Since I was good and didn't get up or complain Dani bought me ice cream at the Cheese Factory.

Today is full of great surprises and grins and midterms really can't be that bad.

So, it's cool.

You can also add Mogwai and Yo La Tengo to the list of the week.

18 (or nourishment.)

MUSIC.
For the first few weeks I could only listen to Why?'s Elephant Eyelash. Really, that's all I could do to settle my nerves and transition from home to here. I also only used my iPod for long busrides or falling asleep. Sparrows, Swarm and Sing, Sigur Ros, Explosions in the Sky, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, nothing too loud, nothing too emotional.
In the past couple of weeks I started branching out a bit more. Last week was M83, The Clash, The Smiths, Laura, and Lemuria. This week I've moved to poppunk with Title Fight, First To Leave, Fairweather, and Rufio.
Music, in general, is a big staple. It keeps me from thinking too much about things that don't matter and getting too overwhelmed. So I rely on it when I'm not in the company of my crew.

LITERATURE.
I'm making great time with my 52 Books, 52 Weeks. I'm on my tenth book. Here's what I've read so far this year:
1. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
2. The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro
3. The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje
4. Suite Française, Irène Némirovsky
5. Water For Elephants, Sara Gruen
6. The History of Costa Rica, I. Molina & S. Palmer
7. The Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan
8. Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger
9. In Defense of Food, Michael Pollan

Right now I'm reading Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, which rounds out my first ten books for the first two months of 2008.

FOOD.
My mom feeds me two to three plates per meal. It's all whole food. I know exactly what I'm eating and have a relatively good idea from where it comes. The big staples are rice and beans, tortillas, chayote, coffee, fried plantains, papaya, mango, pineapple. For breakfast I've started eating eggs and tomatoes, which is pretty much the closest thing to Tamale House migas I'll ever get outside of Tamale House. Sometimes cereal, sometimes pancakes. But the big thing is it's all real food. Which sounds stupid, I guess, but so much time is spent making food, eating food, being around food that isn't processed or preserved. It means a great deal to me and really makes me appreciate nutrition and cooking tenfold than I did before, which was a lot more already than most of society.

FRIENDS.
I have my staples. I have my family here, with whom I spend most of my meals and time outside the institute. I have my colleagues, who are quite possibly the best people I could have in my classes and with whom I can share this experience. I have my professors, who love us and care for our well-beings inside and outside the classroom and give us more guidance than we can ever really thank them for. And then, there are the few anchors still attached by technology, the constant constants known as my parents, Kate, Alex, and Ohio Max. They keep me balanced and connected and stable and grounded...just enough to not absolutely hate the idea of returning to the United States in two months.



...wait, only two months? really?

17 (or motion in the ocean).

Not surprisingly, everything becomes more complex as I become more settled. Branching out socially has pros as well as cons and I wish I embraced it more instead of resisted. I'm working on it.

Actually, not really. It stresses me out. Midterms this week don't make it any easier. My lack of appetite is a clear signal that I'm starting to let things get to me, as usual. I need to quit it.

Last week I called Alex and Kate and my heart absolutely swelled and poured out through the miles and miles of cables and wires and satellites and whatever keeps my veins running through these countries back to home. My whole life perspective is shifting and I'm really excited about it. There are some things I want and wholly embrace. Others, I don't.

On Thursday I went to Moon Shiva. It was my first time out since the first week or so of our arrival to Monteverde. It was nice. Spent most of the night talking about wine and cheese parties and My Bloody Valentine. My abhorrence of bar culture is slowly breaking down because of non-creepy attention. But that might also just be how things work here.

Saturday morning I woke up at 4am to head to Puntarenas. The last time I spent the day at a beach was over four years ago during my homestay in France. Puntarenas was nice. There were fiestas all weekend so the beach was pretty crowded. The water was perfect. We stayed with Maribel's aunt, who hosts a handful of students herself. One of them was around, a 20 year-old Tico named Dennis. They set us up on a date. It was awkward and strange and we were both pretty shy. It was pretty great, actually. We went out to the parade and walked along the beach for a few hours and more and more stars came out and my Spanish skills kept us at a good pace of discussion. So, I've improved a lot, essentially, or at least have more confidence in my literacy.

On Sunday he accompanied us to the beach again and we swam in the ocean and did more walking along the coast. Around 2 Maribel and I leave to return for Monteverde. Plans to return? Perhaps. After Nicaragua, sure. But that was that, or so I thought.

He called me last night. I guess I made a bigger impression than I thought. And I flipped out in my head. Maribel kept saying it's nothing, stop worrying, and I should, but I can't. I don't want this. So I'll ignore it. I want to study and read and go out and meet people and make friendships. Last year I got way in over my head in romantic pursuits and it really left me in a bad place at the end of 2008. I want to establish myself here in my own identity, in self-sustainability, and I don't see myself being able to accomplish that with men liking me, whether I choose to pursue them or not. I have a great distrust in fast-moving things. I purposefully didn't bring anything with a memory attached to it on this trip.

I am stubborn in my willpower. But I can't afford to put trust in anyone except myself and my groundwork right now. And I won't. I won't back down.

I have work to do, anyway.

16 (or no matter how much a girl says...)

no matter how much a girl says she hates roses and chocolate, she still loves roses and chocolate.

You never told me it would be this hard
I think my body's saying so
When you're not here its got to go, it's leaving me
But I hope that you're o.k.
Even though I'm dying
I hope that you're still trying to have a killer time
Go see the volcanoes
Go see the rainforests
I'll be fine by myself
I'll be fine without these bones.

I didn't go to Moon Shiva on Thursday. Headed down to Santa Elena with Emma to get our secret valentine's gifts! To begin, let me give you an idea of the composition of our group. 20 girls and 3 boys. 10 girls from each college, the 3 boys, obviously from Goucher. We decided the week prior to do a secret valentine exchange, which involved a handmade card and something under 2000 colones (we all ended up buying one another snacks for our trip to San Gerardo on Friday). The boys opted out immediately, which was dumb. Still, great fun for the rest of us. We exchanged presents Friday morning before class. I had Sweta and made a card out of origami paper and bought her some chocolate chip cookies. Genna had me! I got a brownie, a bracelet, and a love mix! And a card that says "I love you more than there's mist in Monteverde." Such a great start to my weekend.

So we depart for San Gerardo. We arrive by bus to the Santa Elena cloud forest reserve, and begin our treacherous descent to the field station in the Children's Eternal Cloud Forest. Our guide, Mark, was hilarious and really gave us a good hike. It took about 3 hours to get down there, even though it's only about 3km from the Santa Elena Reserve. So we get there, to our field station in the middle of the cloud forest, and we're looking out onto Lake Arenal and the volcano. WHAT.

Two bunks per room and hammocks all along the porch. I set up shop with Emma, Quinn, and Genna. We have a late lunch and then a lecture from the station manager and Mark and learn all about amphibians. Eat dinner and then get ready for our night tour! where, you know, we see more nature. In the dark. Towards the end of it we turn off all our lights and close our eyes and have to count how many calls we hear. At least 8, according to Mark. It's breathtaking how loud nature is when you don't have the hum of civilization.

So Saturday morning I wake up, not even thinking about Valentine's Day. Around 7am I head down to breakfast, and see the three boys already there. Jesse looks pretty dressed up from the back, so I call him out because we're in the middle of the forest and get dirty mighty fast. He turns around, actually, all the boys turn around, and have rose and baby's breath boutonnieres and Matt and Jesse are wearing formal vests, they have a love mix playing over some speakers, and I look on to all the dining tables which have been set WITH valentines, artisinal truffles, and roses for each of us. No joke, I started crying. When all the girls finally get downstairs and the whole suprise factor begins to cease, they serve us breakfast. Pancakes! Pineapple! OJ! Coffee! Granola! It's the most romantic Valentine's Day I've ever had and all before 8am.

So then we go for a morning hike, you know, see more nature. Return for lunch and then prepare for our ascent up the mountain back to the Santa Elena Reserve. I'm not kidding when I say ascent; it's a straight up 3km ascent through mud and muck. If you don't stop and walk fast, it's supposed to take about an hour to get back to the reservce. The goal is for us to be there by 2, but we should walk at our own pace and in smaller groups. It's about 11:30 now and I see Matt packing up. As I walk past him he asks if I want to go hike to the waterfalls first. i don't hesitate to say yes.

We don't tell anyone we're heading there (we rebel by seeing more nature? no sense.) So Matt, Abby, Amanda, and I head off for another trail to the cataracts. We're all fast walkers, so it only takes about 15 minutes to get there.

Just in case there was any breath left worth taking, this took it. We weren't looking at the waterfall, we were in it. Jesse was already there. We spent about an hour at the waterfalls, wading through the water and then hiking up to the top. It was so perfect, all of us completely amazed.



We get back to the main trail by 1:15, giving us 45 minutes to get to the reserve. Mark's just heading out, so we hike up with him. I was the pace car for a while, but the ascent really wore me out. Luckily, hiking with other fast walkers pushed me to keep going, so we didn't manage too badly and we made it by 2. I was, however, absolutely exhausted and covered in mud and looked forward to a shower and sleep.

Sunday was my first real sleep in where I didn't have get out of bed by 7, 8, 9 or even 10! Unfortunately my family is still dysfunctional. que mierda. Sundays are toss ups for drama. My brother moved out again. Hopefully things will calm down soon. Soon soon soon.

So today we're back at the institute and I got a package from my mom with letters and leggings and a sweatshirt and valentine candy. sugar! I'm super thrilled about the letters, which included a zine, a letter from my friend Travis, and my reading log for 52 Books, 52 weeks. I'm on my seventh book of the year, so I'm keeping a good pace. I wish particular people kept in touch more, but what can I expect when I'm not currently or physically part of their lives? It is what it is, I guess.

At least the weather is nice so I can wear summer dresses.

Photos to come sooner or later, as always.

15 (or body heat.)

dear global warming,
who knew you could produce massive global cold fronts?

we have a natural disaster once a month, it seems.

also, the media has no fear of showing dead bodies. or wrecks. or anything, really.

so last week wore us all out. it stormed nonstop and for a week i was soggy and cold and there was building tension in my house, which culminated in ariel moving out? i don't really understand what happened, but he's back. at any rate, i've moved out of the honeymoon period and it isn't a bad thing; i acknowledge and accept my roles here as a student, a guest in this community, and it's good timing, i think.



in terms of class, we focused on dairy farming. in class and in spare time, i went to a different farm friday, saturday, and sunday. on friday i went to a farm to understand the "landscape of dairy farming," which was more about the ecological design of the farm (windbreaks, isolated trees, etc.). but i milked a cow. on saturday i spent the day at the farm of our course coordinator, anibal. we were supposed to help him work on his house, which he is currently building, but the rain kept us at his parents' barn for the morning. the rest of the day we toured the farm and ate sugarcane and, you know, hung out in nature.

sunday the weather started to get better, finally. i went with maribel to her family farm and picked frijoles negros. i met a student from a different program and spent the afternoon with her and her friends from the CPI program, who's only here for three weeks (well, one week left). i realized i starved from social contact, which means maybe now i am ready to add that social dimension into my life? we'll see what happens thursday at moon shiva.

valentine's day this weekend. the twenty-three of us are hiking to san gerardo for an overnight in the middle of, well, the forest. how romantic! sunday we'll all be back on anibal's farm building, followed by a bonfire.

today is the first day of SUN SUN SUN. we're back to summer weather.

and it's all still pretty exceptional, you know, sloths, rainbows, motmots, tucanettes. i have yet to climb a stranger fig or see a quetzal, but they'll come soon enough.

14 (or sights.)

This is my house.


This is our carwash.


Ariel.


Emile.


Me in the laundry room.


Brazel, my cousin. give this kid a camera and he'll be occupied for hours. he took the picture of me above.


Jimena, the young girl who clung to me like a koala when we went to Las Piscinas in Guacimal on Sunday. That's my hat.


here are some photos from the group outings, taken by myself or various members of our group:


from the hot springs. taken by elise.


MATTMATTMATT. by me.


jesse and me at irazu. taken by genna.


welcome to monteverde. by genna.


santa elena cloud forest reserve. taken by matt.


this is the monteverde institute. also taken by matt.


sarita, the cutest. taken by lynn!


and last but not least, the big ol' group.


it's the first week of february. 25%.